It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 6 - Carpool, Didiots

Earthlings, we have traveled through millions of galaxies. We have seen billions of planets. No, Earthlings, you are not alone. What is truly amazing, is the level of Didiots on this planet when it comes to driving.

Why do you drive alone? When we entered the atmosphere and hovered above Texas towns like Stephenville, even our son Zorkey made an observation that rings so true we could not answer it. Zorkey asked us why so many Earthlings drive alone in their cars, trucks, and SUVs.

Earthlings, Meera and I have always had an answer for any question our son Zorkey asked us. We are embarrassed to admit, that despite having super intelligence which few species in the billions of galaxies can match, we were befuddled, stumped and silenced. Our son Zorkey was shocked when he heard us say, "We do not know, it is illogical."

Why do so many didiot Earthlings drive large vehicles alone? Why do you not share or carpool? We offer you these tips to carpool.

5 Stellar Reasons to Carpool:

1. Save the planet. Carpool to use less gas and reduce your carbon emissions.

2. Buy less gas for your car. This saves you money and saves the Earth's natural resources.

Zork Green Tip 5 - Bike, Monsier

Earthlings, if you are too lazy to walk, we offer you an alternative green technology called a bicycle. Humans should ride everywhere on their bikes. The new fashion trend is riding bikes, especially since gas is nearly $4 per gallon.

5 beautiful reasons to ride a bike:

1. Save the planet. Your average vehicle produces 8 tons of carbon dioxide (20 tons per person) each year and burns 650 gallons of gasoline. We see you and we know that half of your car trips are less than five miles. You can easily use a bike for these trips and reduce your carbon output.  

2. Find love. What better way to impress a potential mate than riding a bike to your date? Trust us, Earthlings. We have been on many galactic travels and we have seen other species use bikes to impress their dates on planets a million years away. It works!

Imagine riding up to a fancy restaurant on your bicycle, while other Didiot Earthlings do the same old boring thing and drive up in their Ferraris. We guarantee your date

Zork's Green Tip 1 - Be Green and Still Have Fun

Earthling, we are here. It was not by design or intent. We were zipping through space, on our way to a wedding in a distant quadrant of the galaxy, when my lovely wife Meera decided to show our son Zorkey the planet Earth close up.

Close up it was! While hovering above Texas trying to spot a longhorn steer, we happened to be shot down by what your Earthlings call a "Bubba." We do not know how Bubba succeeded, but he did. Fortunately, we are able to land safely on the outskirts of Stephenville.

Bubba shot our energy fuselage. And so we are stranded on planet Earth until Meera and I figure out how to extract fuel from your Earthly elements. We were lucky enough to hide our saucy saucer and integrate ourselves into your Earthling culture.

A few things about us: Our species is one million years more advanced than you Humans. We have developed, over the millennium, the capability of communicating via brain waves. Our strength is 10 times higher than the average Earthling, and our legs and arms can elongate to different lengths. Earthlings, our brains are so advanced that we can create objects on top of our brains. This is similar to your virtual reality models.

We are amazed to see many Didiot humans treat their planet with disrespect. You are destroying your habitat like there is no tomorrow. We see how you treat you vegetation and animals species. Because of our superior intellect, we are able to communicate with your plant and animal species. Your plants and animals are Earthlings, too!

The entire Earth is disgusted with you,

Zork Green Tip 4: Change Your Light Bulbs

Anyone who has not changed their light bulbs is a Didiot! Using cool, new compact fluorescent light bulbs is the easiest way for you to quickly make a difference on this planet. Plus these bulbs save money by lowering your electric bill.

The facts: Your own Union of Concerned Scientists told us that if every home in America would replace just one old incandescent light bulb with a new one, it would stop 90 million pounds of greenhouse gas emissions from power plants. That is the same as taking 7.5 million cars off of U.S. highways. That equals the energy it takes to light 2.5 million homes for one year.

These bulbs pay for themselves. Each compact fluorescent saves an average of $30 in energy cost over its lifetime. They last 10 times longer than the old incandescent bulbs and use 2/3 less energy. Besides that, compact fluorescents produce less heat so they help lower your air conditioning bill. Do you know lighting is 20% of the average homes electric bill?

Please be sure you recycle compact fluorescents because they contain mercury. Drop them off at Home Depot or check LampRecycle for locations in the U.S. You do not want toxic mercury to get into your drinking water or your Earth.

Only 6% of Americans have switched to compact fluorescents. But 34% believe in UFO's.

Compact fluorescents come in a vast array of shapes and sizes! See them all at the Compact Fluorescent Light Bulb Site from the Environmental Defense Group. This is an entertaining site that shows you every compact fluorescent bulb available and what they do, plus it has a cool tool

Zork's Green Tip 3 - Walk, Didiot

Earthling, we have come across revolutionary green technology on Planet Earth that is underutilized by humans every day. It is not wind, solar or biodiesel. This technology is human powered and it is called "walking."

Walking is one of the best things you can do for your planet and yourself. Walking reduces pollution, saves gas, and cuts back on carbon dioxide output.

Humans are lazy when it comes to walking. We have seen Earthlings fight over parking spots only to avoid twenty yards of healthy walking. This is not logical to us. Why is it such a big deal to walk? Flying around the planet in our saucy saucer, we see some countries using walking as the primary means of transportation.

Some countries use more energy than they should. American Earthlings represent 3% of the population but use 25% of the energy. American Earthlings spend too much time driving, and