It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork's Green Tip 2 - 10 Reasons to Plant a Tree

Earthling, without trees, there would be no way for you to breathe and live on this planet.  Every time you chop down a tree, you are actually cutting off your oxygen supply. Why does your species keep murdering them?

You learned the value of trees and the reason for their Earthly existence in grade school. As you grow older, a very high percentage of you become Didiots. We are befuddled when we see adult Earthlings clearing out land and chopping down trees. This tree-killing disease is rampant all across your planet. Every year, the area of trees destroyed equals the size of Portugal.

Where is Portugal?  It is located in Europe and its neighbor is Spain. Portugal is well known for playing the most recognized Earthling sport on the planet, futbol (soccer).

Earthling reader, we are crazy about this human game, futbol. We saw on the Fox Soccer Channel, that Portugal will most likely have its Cristiano Ronoldo nominated as the best player in the world, based on his

Zork Green Tip 31 - Tree Hugs Instead of Bear Hugs

Earthling, for stars sake, stop the bear hugs and start the tree hugs.

Having been on your planet now for ten months, we see humans obsessed about bears and bear hugs. Do not get us wrong. We like your bear species. And there are so many cute ones such as the Panda Bear, Arctic Bear, Grizzly Bear and your all time favorite, the Teddy Bear.

We have not seen humans hug bears in the wild and it is understandably so. But why do humans make so many Teddy Bear toys and do not make any tree toys? Instead, you use trees to make toys. And to add further insult to trees, you have formed bear hug clubs where Earthlings gather and share bear hugs with each other.

Trees are wonderful. They make oxygen for you for free. They give shelter to your Earthling animal friends. Humans should form tree hug clubs all over the Earth. We tried doing it on your planet only to find out that many Earthlings use "Tree Hugger" as a condescending word.

TREE FACT 1: One large beech tree provides enough oxygen for 10 typical humans.

Zork Green Tip 17 - Plant a Garden: Best Way to Eat Local

The best way to be really green is to get a green thumb like us. We alien males actually have three green thumbs (our females have four) and hopefully one day, a million years from now, you will also have three green thumbs. In the meantime, Earthling, one green thumb will be sufficient for you to eat healthy and green.

Earthling, please do not be a Didiot. Reduce your carbon footprint by eating local, right out of your own back yard.

With our green thumbs, growing a green garden is not a problem. But humans, having evolved to live in the cities, have become Didiots about growing fruits and vegetables.

Any human can plant a garden if they try. It is in your genetic DNA to plant gardens. Gardening is a fun thing to do with the family or on a date. What better way to impress your date or mate than showing them your garden? We see male humans spending money on clothes and fancy cars to pick up chicks. All this is not necessary. Trust us. We know.

What line do you think will help you find a female Earthlings?

Line 1: Hey Baby, do you want to take ride in my Ferrari?

Line 2: Hey Baby, want to check out my garden I have made?

Well, of course, it would be line 2. We do not understand why any female Earthling would want to go out with a guy in a