It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 38: Rhinos are Angry at Humans

Earthlings, your rhinos are endangered and they are mad about it. The reason they are killed is the craziest reason we have seen in the vast universe. Talk about Didiot-like behavior.

First, a few rhino facts.

Rhinos are not all alike. You have five species of rhinos on Earth. In Africa you have the black and white rhinos. In India you have the Indian, Javan and Sumatran Rhinos. The Indian and Javan have one horn, the others have two.

These spectacular creatures are the second largest land mammal on your planet (the elephant is larger). These sweet guys are herbivores so they only eat plants. These creatures live alone. They only use their horns to defend themselves against lions, tiger and hyenas.

Zork Green Tip 37: Save the Snowy Owl

I communicated with this beautiful Earthling when we landed our Saucy Saucer near Quebec, Canada. Humans call him the Snowy Owl. He told me he is the largest owl species in all of North America. He has beautiful white feathers which even cover his claws to keep them warm.

The oldest living Snowy Owl in the wild was 9 years and 5 months. A captive Snowy Owl lived for over 28 years. Earthling, you might see this Snowy Owl during winter in the northern United States. During breeding season he vacations from the western Aleutians in Alaska to northeastern Manitoba, northern Quebec and northern Labrador in Canada. Sometimes you will see him as far south as central California as well as in Texas and Florida.

This wise owl shed a tear as he told us how his kind is being hunted illegally for their eyes and feet, which are traded in Asian markets.

Zork Green Tip 35: Save the Chinook Salmon

I spotted these beautiful Chinook Salmon swimming in an Alaskan waterway. These beautiful Earthlings spend 1 to 8 years in the ocean then return home to the stream where they were born in order to spawn.

What is the Chinook salmon to do as humans destroy their habitat? Humans scientists tell us that over the past few years the number of Chinook salmon leaving the rivers in the Pacific Northwest have dropped. The Chinook salmon could be extinct by 2016.

Zork Green Tip 34: 10X Investment for 2009

Earthlings, stay away from Wall Street this year. Forget about putting your savings into banks which are being bailed out and bought out by your governments across the planet. We have figured out how any human can save money and make the right investment this year.

Yes, you can. Yes, we can. You can make money this year. This is not some Madoff get-rich-scheme. We are not sneaky, slimy, shenanigan, shyster meister financial wizards from Wall Street. We do not even have an MBA. However, if you have already read some of our blogs, you know we have vastly superior intelligence to your species. Please do not hold that against us. We are simply trying to help.

Human, after seeing Earthlings suffer in 2008 due to all the shenaniganisms, we actually want to say “Watts up!”  Help us to help you save you from Didiot Earthlings.

Earthling, the easiest way to make and save money this year is to invest into CFC light bulbs.

Zork Green Tip 33 - Recession is Good for the Environment

Earthlings, since the moment we crashed on your planet we warned you, we told you and some of you listened. The world is in a global recession. Now you finally get it.

A year ago, we were zipping through the solar system. We were on our way to Meera’s cousin’s wedding in another sector of the galaxy, when we decided to show our son Zorkey a close view of the beautiful blue planet Earth. Close it was. We were shot down over Stephenville, Texas by Bubba. Because Bubba damaged our intergalactic power booster, we have become entrepreneur bloggers, trying to earn enough money to fix our damaged saucy saucer.

We observed humans living it up last year. They were living large, spending like there was no tomorrow. We began writing about America and the rest of the planet going into recession. We are an intelligent species, one million times smarter than you, but we cannot understand how governments on this planet did not see it coming. We are not conspiracy theorists but find it odd that nearly one year later, Earthling American government finally admitted that United States and the entire Earth is going deep into recession. What were they hiding?

Human, recession is good for the green movement.

We scratch our heads at the economic theories which drive your economy. Earthlings, we have traveled the galaxy for millions of years, and have observed these economic principles on backward-type planets across the galaxy. The economics on your planet are based on consumption and more consumption.