It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 9 - Wind Blows, Didiots

Earthling, we love wind-generated electricity. We know, we know. Some Earthlings will complain that despite wind being green, you do not like to see the wind turbines in your view of the countryside.

Do you want wind farms in the fields? Or would you prefer coal particles in your lungs? We laugh at Earthlings bragging about being a digital, Internet society.  Did you know that 50% of the electricity generated in United States is produced by coal?

Yes, there is plenty of coal on your planet, but coal is not the answer to your electricity needs because coal is not good for the environment no matter what your government officials tell

Zork's Green Tip 2 - 10 Reasons to Plant a Tree

Earthling, without trees, there would be no way for you to breathe and live on this planet.  Every time you chop down a tree, you are actually cutting off your oxygen supply. Why does your species keep murdering them?

You learned the value of trees and the reason for their Earthly existence in grade school. As you grow older, a very high percentage of you become Didiots. We are befuddled when we see adult Earthlings clearing out land and chopping down trees. This tree-killing disease is rampant all across your planet. Every year, the area of trees destroyed equals the size of Portugal.

Where is Portugal?  It is located in Europe and its neighbor is Spain. Portugal is well known for playing the most recognized Earthling sport on the planet, futbol (soccer).

Earthling reader, we are crazy about this human game, futbol. We saw on the Fox Soccer Channel, that Portugal will most likely have its Cristiano Ronoldo nominated as the best player in the world, based on his

Zork Green Tip 29 - Save H2O

Human, we love water. We traveled the galaxy for thousands of years. One common thing we found in every galaxy and every planet we visited is that where there is life, there is also water.

We understand that many humans did not believe there was extraterrestrial life until we were shot down by Bubba in Stephenville, Texas. Life, including us, is a result of water.

Water is life. Life is water. There is no way around it.

We are befuddled why Earthlings pollute and waste water. We analyzed the Earthly data on our nanocomputers and confirmed that drinkable water for Earthlings will be a much bigger problem than the high price of oil you face today.

The cause of your water shortages is simple. There are over six billion water-thirsty humans on planet Earth. Earthlings are using water faster than the Earth's water reservoirs can replenish the supplies. Water tables are falling on every continent as demand for water grows faster due to population growth. Overpumping of water is now widespread in China, India and United States. These three Earthly countries together make nearly half of the world’s grain harvest.

Zork Green Tip 24 - Be Kind to Trees, Use a Kindle Reader

Become paperless. Humans, your rudimentary device called a “personal computer” was supposed to turn your civilization into a paperless society. From what we see observing humans, this has not happened yet.

Earthling, we do not understand your Didiot-like and massive use of paper. We try not to insult a species that is a million years less advanced than us but we cannot for the stars of us figure you out.

Why, Earthling, why? Our highly-evolved brains have become non-emotional but I must admit that printing paper has arisen my emotional genes, which only happens every 3,888 years.

In 2006, American Earthlings imported and produced 100 million metric tons of paper. The total pages printed on printers and multi-function printers was approximately 1.5 trillion pages.

Humans, what could possibly be so important that you must print all this paper?

The only thing we can deduct and decipher from all these printing activities is that Earthlings print so much paper at work in order to cover their rear behinds. Job security does not mean printing paper for backup purposes. Just because you use toilet paper to clean your rear end does not mean you have to print paper to cover your rear behind at work as well.

We are horrified when we enter your book stores. You may see interesting books to read but all we can see is dead trees. Bookstores are cemeteries for trees. We know. We are able to talk to trees in different frequencies. The trees tell us that book stores are their worst nightmares.

Humans, there are simple solutions to all this printing mess.

First, use recyclable paper if possible.

Second, read the news on your computer instead of on paper. We do not understand why newspapers print newspapers anymore. Why, Earthling, why?

Third, get yourself a Kindle. This electronic reader was created by an Earthling company called Amazon. Kindle enables you to download books digitally and read them at your leisure, anytime and anyplace. You can have every book on your planet inside the space of one book. Think of how many trees you will save.

Zork Green Tip 11 - Recycling Instructions for Earthlings

Dear Earthlings, I hope you are already recycling. We are amazed how many humans think this planet is a garbage can. We see trash everywhere. If you are not recycling, we are here to teach you.

Recycling is not rocket science. You have to be able to get your lazy Earthling body up out of your bean bag chair and dispose or recycle the products accordingly.

Why Recycle? My stars, Earthling! If you have not figured out why you should recycle, please allow me to do it once and for all.
1. To Help Out. If you take the time to sort your stuff for recycling in the first place, it's more likely to be recycled. The good news is that you do not need a degree from Oxford to be able to recycle.  

2. Less Landfill. 75% of Americans' trash can be recycled. However only 25% is  recycled. This is completely illogical to us, humans. We do not understand why some DIDIOT humans do not recycle. We recommend for humans that are "overweight" to take up recycling as an exercise. Here's another recycling tip: Next time you are trying to meet a potential date, just tell them the following " I recycle for exercise. Would you like to join me?" Nine times out of 10, you will get the date. In fact, we are so sure of this line that you no longer need to watch Mystery on The Pickup Artist.