It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork's Green Tip 1 - Be Green and Still Have Fun

Earthling, we are here. It was not by design or intent. We were zipping through space, on our way to a wedding in a distant quadrant of the galaxy, when my lovely wife Meera decided to show our son Zorkey the planet Earth close up.

Close up it was! While hovering above Texas trying to spot a longhorn steer, we happened to be shot down by what your Earthlings call a "Bubba." We do not know how Bubba succeeded, but he did. Fortunately, we are able to land safely on the outskirts of Stephenville.

Bubba shot our energy fuselage. And so we are stranded on planet Earth until Meera and I figure out how to extract fuel from your Earthly elements. We were lucky enough to hide our saucy saucer and integrate ourselves into your Earthling culture.

A few things about us: Our species is one million years more advanced than you Humans. We have developed, over the millennium, the capability of communicating via brain waves. Our strength is 10 times higher than the average Earthling, and our legs and arms can elongate to different lengths. Earthlings, our brains are so advanced that we can create objects on top of our brains. This is similar to your virtual reality models.

We are amazed to see many Didiot humans treat their planet with disrespect. You are destroying your habitat like there is no tomorrow. We see how you treat you vegetation and animals species. Because of our superior intellect, we are able to communicate with your plant and animal species. Your plants and animals are Earthlings, too!

The entire Earth is disgusted with you,

Zork Green Tip 35: Save the Chinook Salmon

I spotted these beautiful Chinook Salmon swimming in an Alaskan waterway. These beautiful Earthlings spend 1 to 8 years in the ocean then return home to the stream where they were born in order to spawn.

What is the Chinook salmon to do as humans destroy their habitat? Humans scientists tell us that over the past few years the number of Chinook salmon leaving the rivers in the Pacific Northwest have dropped. The Chinook salmon could be extinct by 2016.

Zork Green Tip 33 - Recession is Good for the Environment

Earthlings, since the moment we crashed on your planet we warned you, we told you and some of you listened. The world is in a global recession. Now you finally get it.

A year ago, we were zipping through the solar system. We were on our way to Meera’s cousin’s wedding in another sector of the galaxy, when we decided to show our son Zorkey a close view of the beautiful blue planet Earth. Close it was. We were shot down over Stephenville, Texas by Bubba. Because Bubba damaged our intergalactic power booster, we have become entrepreneur bloggers, trying to earn enough money to fix our damaged saucy saucer.

We observed humans living it up last year. They were living large, spending like there was no tomorrow. We began writing about America and the rest of the planet going into recession. We are an intelligent species, one million times smarter than you, but we cannot understand how governments on this planet did not see it coming. We are not conspiracy theorists but find it odd that nearly one year later, Earthling American government finally admitted that United States and the entire Earth is going deep into recession. What were they hiding?

Human, recession is good for the green movement.

We scratch our heads at the economic theories which drive your economy. Earthlings, we have traveled the galaxy for millions of years, and have observed these economic principles on backward-type planets across the galaxy. The economics on your planet are based on consumption and more consumption.