It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 6 - Carpool, Didiots

Earthlings, we have traveled through millions of galaxies. We have seen billions of planets. No, Earthlings, you are not alone. What is truly amazing, is the level of Didiots on this planet when it comes to driving.

Why do you drive alone? When we entered the atmosphere and hovered above Texas towns like Stephenville, even our son Zorkey made an observation that rings so true we could not answer it. Zorkey asked us why so many Earthlings drive alone in their cars, trucks, and SUVs.

Earthlings, Meera and I have always had an answer for any question our son Zorkey asked us. We are embarrassed to admit, that despite having super intelligence which few species in the billions of galaxies can match, we were befuddled, stumped and silenced. Our son Zorkey was shocked when he heard us say, "We do not know, it is illogical."

Why do so many didiot Earthlings drive large vehicles alone? Why do you not share or carpool? We offer you these tips to carpool.

5 Stellar Reasons to Carpool:

1. Save the planet. Carpool to use less gas and reduce your carbon emissions.

2. Buy less gas for your car. This saves you money and saves the Earth's natural resources.

Zork Green Tip 5 - Bike, Monsier

Earthlings, if you are too lazy to walk, we offer you an alternative green technology called a bicycle. Humans should ride everywhere on their bikes. The new fashion trend is riding bikes, especially since gas is nearly $4 per gallon.

5 beautiful reasons to ride a bike:

1. Save the planet. Your average vehicle produces 8 tons of carbon dioxide (20 tons per person) each year and burns 650 gallons of gasoline. We see you and we know that half of your car trips are less than five miles. You can easily use a bike for these trips and reduce your carbon output.  

2. Find love. What better way to impress a potential mate than riding a bike to your date? Trust us, Earthlings. We have been on many galactic travels and we have seen other species use bikes to impress their dates on planets a million years away. It works!

Imagine riding up to a fancy restaurant on your bicycle, while other Didiot Earthlings do the same old boring thing and drive up in their Ferraris. We guarantee your date

Zork's Green Tip 3 - Walk, Didiot

Earthling, we have come across revolutionary green technology on Planet Earth that is underutilized by humans every day. It is not wind, solar or biodiesel. This technology is human powered and it is called "walking."

Walking is one of the best things you can do for your planet and yourself. Walking reduces pollution, saves gas, and cuts back on carbon dioxide output.

Humans are lazy when it comes to walking. We have seen Earthlings fight over parking spots only to avoid twenty yards of healthy walking. This is not logical to us. Why is it such a big deal to walk? Flying around the planet in our saucy saucer, we see some countries using walking as the primary means of transportation.

Some countries use more energy than they should. American Earthlings represent 3% of the population but use 25% of the energy. American Earthlings spend too much time driving, and

Zork's Green Tip 2 - 10 Reasons to Plant a Tree

Earthling, without trees, there would be no way for you to breathe and live on this planet.  Every time you chop down a tree, you are actually cutting off your oxygen supply. Why does your species keep murdering them?

You learned the value of trees and the reason for their Earthly existence in grade school. As you grow older, a very high percentage of you become Didiots. We are befuddled when we see adult Earthlings clearing out land and chopping down trees. This tree-killing disease is rampant all across your planet. Every year, the area of trees destroyed equals the size of Portugal.

Where is Portugal?  It is located in Europe and its neighbor is Spain. Portugal is well known for playing the most recognized Earthling sport on the planet, futbol (soccer).

Earthling reader, we are crazy about this human game, futbol. We saw on the Fox Soccer Channel, that Portugal will most likely have its Cristiano Ronoldo nominated as the best player in the world, based on his

Zork Green Tip 28 - Skate to Save the Planet

After being stranded on your beautiful planet for over six months, we discovered an exciting human-made technology of intergalactic significance that reduces energy consumption while traveling. This transportation technology saves a substantial amount of gasoline while providing Earthlings with a platform to have fun and be green like us.

1000 MPG. According to our nano-computer calculations and rigorous technical and mathematical analysis, this transportation device generates at least 1000 MPG before it needs to be refueled.

This green technology is the skateboard. Earthlings, what a fun way to get around.

Don’t be a Didiot. Please do not attempt to ride your skateboard on your highways crowded with metal transportation devices expelling large amounts of carbon dioxide into your atmosphere. Skateboarding is one of the greenest ways to get around your neighborhood.