It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 21 - Save the Animals

Earthling, we are fond of your other creatures on this planet. We assure you that you are not the only important species on this planet.

We are one million years more advanced than you and our brains can communicate on multiple frequencies. We are able to speak in trillions of languages across the galaxy, in the archaic delivery method of using vocal chords as humans do.

Our preference is to communicate through our brain wave frequencies whenever possible. We can download 1 petabyte in less than one nanosecond between each other, and to our nanocomputers. We are also able to communicate with all species on this beautiful planet through brain wave intergalactic frequencies.

What we have learned may be shocking to you. Here is the honest alien truth, Zork's honor: Animals are Earthlings too (and so are plants).

Some Earthling Didiots have no regard for the animal kingdom. We do not understand why humans cannot live in harmony with other animal species. This is their planet too.

Zork Green Tip 38: Rhinos are Angry at Humans

Earthlings, your rhinos are endangered and they are mad about it. The reason they are killed is the craziest reason we have seen in the vast universe. Talk about Didiot-like behavior.

First, a few rhino facts.

Rhinos are not all alike. You have five species of rhinos on Earth. In Africa you have the black and white rhinos. In India you have the Indian, Javan and Sumatran Rhinos. The Indian and Javan have one horn, the others have two.

These spectacular creatures are the second largest land mammal on your planet (the elephant is larger). These sweet guys are herbivores so they only eat plants. These creatures live alone. They only use their horns to defend themselves against lions, tiger and hyenas.

Zork Green Tip 37: Save the Snowy Owl

I communicated with this beautiful Earthling when we landed our Saucy Saucer near Quebec, Canada. Humans call him the Snowy Owl. He told me he is the largest owl species in all of North America. He has beautiful white feathers which even cover his claws to keep them warm.

The oldest living Snowy Owl in the wild was 9 years and 5 months. A captive Snowy Owl lived for over 28 years. Earthling, you might see this Snowy Owl during winter in the northern United States. During breeding season he vacations from the western Aleutians in Alaska to northeastern Manitoba, northern Quebec and northern Labrador in Canada. Sometimes you will see him as far south as central California as well as in Texas and Florida.

This wise owl shed a tear as he told us how his kind is being hunted illegally for their eyes and feet, which are traded in Asian markets.

Zork Green Tip 35: Save the Chinook Salmon

I spotted these beautiful Chinook Salmon swimming in an Alaskan waterway. These beautiful Earthlings spend 1 to 8 years in the ocean then return home to the stream where they were born in order to spawn.

What is the Chinook salmon to do as humans destroy their habitat? Humans scientists tell us that over the past few years the number of Chinook salmon leaving the rivers in the Pacific Northwest have dropped. The Chinook salmon could be extinct by 2016.

Zork Green Tip 27 - Save the Fish

Earthling, we recently visited one of your planet’s beautiful beaches. We were amazed at so many humans playing in the sand on the edge of your Pacific Ocean

We observed Earthlings of all ages standing in the shallow, cold, ocean water waves. We do not understand why humans stand for hours in the cold water. Other humans sleep in the sand for hours, reminding us of another Earthling species we had never seen before – the seal.

Naughty Drauk. My dear brother in law, Drauk, caused a commotion on the beach. He has one thing in common with Earthling dog pets. When in heat, both like to hump on a human’s leg. Drauk saw the beautiful female body vessels in bikinis and went crazy. We had to expend all or our effort stopping him from humping one of the girl’s leg.

Bikinis. Earthling, we do not understand what the big deal is about wearing bikinis. We have evolved past the need to wear clothing on our planet. We do not understand why you can wear a bikini on a beach, but not to work? Why not run in a bikini at the park? Why is it not appropriate to go to a fancy restaurant in a bikini?

Speedos. Meera was amused by Earthling males wearing tiny Speedos. We are not shy like Earthlings but even Meera was blushing after seeing hunky, young earthlings playing volleyball in Speedos.

Volleyball. Humans playing beach volleyball reminded me of seals making grunt noises playing with the ball.

Dolphins. We saw another Earthling species jumping through the water. Dolphins are humans’ best ocean friend. What a smart and beautiful animal, joyous and playful too.

Due to the simple fact that our brains are one million years more advanced than yours, we can communicate with the dolphins. They told us something disturbing. Dolphins look happy on the outside, but their hearts are full of sorrow and despair. They are sad because fish and the entire ocean ecosystems are dying due to pollution and over fishing by Didiot humans.

Here is what the dolphins told us:

Dolphin Fact #1: 90% of all sharks, tunas, cods, and other large predatory fish that once swam the oceans are gone. And their absence is causing problems throughout the ocean's food chains.