It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 9 - Wind Blows, Didiots

Earthling, we love wind-generated electricity. We know, we know. Some Earthlings will complain that despite wind being green, you do not like to see the wind turbines in your view of the countryside.

Do you want wind farms in the fields? Or would you prefer coal particles in your lungs? We laugh at Earthlings bragging about being a digital, Internet society.  Did you know that 50% of the electricity generated in United States is produced by coal?

Yes, there is plenty of coal on your planet, but coal is not the answer to your electricity needs because coal is not good for the environment no matter what your government officials tell

Zork Green Tip 7 - Do Not Buy Corn Ethanol

Earthlings, we are more intelligent than you. We do not see that planting corn and making ethanol from it is a logical form of alternative energy.

When corn is used for fuel instead of food, the price of corn goes up for all Earthlings. If you do not believe us, please look around. Go to your grocery store or watch CNN. While flying around in our saucy saucer, we have seen food riots in Haiti, Yemen, Egypt and several African countries because of higher food prices. This will spread to other countries unless Earthlings change their course.

How can corn be green when it is yellow? We are confused. As we fly around in our saucy saucer we see ethanol plants being built across your planet's plains. You will soon learn that corn ethanol is not green-friendly when you account for the entire cycle of clearing land, growing crops, using petroleum products to fertilize it and harvest it, and then using traditional energy to make ethanol from corn. And

Zork Green Tip 6 - Carpool, Didiots

Earthlings, we have traveled through millions of galaxies. We have seen billions of planets. No, Earthlings, you are not alone. What is truly amazing, is the level of Didiots on this planet when it comes to driving.

Why do you drive alone? When we entered the atmosphere and hovered above Texas towns like Stephenville, even our son Zorkey made an observation that rings so true we could not answer it. Zorkey asked us why so many Earthlings drive alone in their cars, trucks, and SUVs.

Earthlings, Meera and I have always had an answer for any question our son Zorkey asked us. We are embarrassed to admit, that despite having super intelligence which few species in the billions of galaxies can match, we were befuddled, stumped and silenced. Our son Zorkey was shocked when he heard us say, "We do not know, it is illogical."

Why do so many didiot Earthlings drive large vehicles alone? Why do you not share or carpool? We offer you these tips to carpool.

5 Stellar Reasons to Carpool:

1. Save the planet. Carpool to use less gas and reduce your carbon emissions.

2. Buy less gas for your car. This saves you money and saves the Earth's natural resources.

Zork Green Tip 4: Change Your Light Bulbs

Anyone who has not changed their light bulbs is a Didiot! Using cool, new compact fluorescent light bulbs is the easiest way for you to quickly make a difference on this planet. Plus these bulbs save money by lowering your electric bill.

The facts: Your own Union of Concerned Scientists told us that if every home in America would replace just one old incandescent light bulb with a new one, it would stop 90 million pounds of greenhouse gas emissions from power plants. That is the same as taking 7.5 million cars off of U.S. highways. That equals the energy it takes to light 2.5 million homes for one year.

These bulbs pay for themselves. Each compact fluorescent saves an average of $30 in energy cost over its lifetime. They last 10 times longer than the old incandescent bulbs and use 2/3 less energy. Besides that, compact fluorescents produce less heat so they help lower your air conditioning bill. Do you know lighting is 20% of the average homes electric bill?

Please be sure you recycle compact fluorescents because they contain mercury. Drop them off at Home Depot or check LampRecycle for locations in the U.S. You do not want toxic mercury to get into your drinking water or your Earth.

Only 6% of Americans have switched to compact fluorescents. But 34% believe in UFO's.

Compact fluorescents come in a vast array of shapes and sizes! See them all at the Compact Fluorescent Light Bulb Site from the Environmental Defense Group. This is an entertaining site that shows you every compact fluorescent bulb available and what they do, plus it has a cool tool

Zork Green Tip 16 - Print Less, Use Less Paper

Earthling, why do humans print so much paper? We crunched our nanocomputers and came to the conclusion that paper is not necessary if you are going to move forward into the digital age. Hopefully one day, a million years from now, you will become super intelligent and advanced like us.

On our planet, we stopped printing paper millenniums ago. Everything is digitally stored on our nanocomputers. Most of your paper is made from trees. Trees make oxygen for you to breathe, remove carbon dioxide from the atmosphere and create shade.

Earthling, every time you print something on paper, remember you are printing on a dead species called trees. Trees are Earthlings too.  

How would you feel if you were killed for the purpose of being converted into a printed paper such as some mindless catalog that comes to some human's mailbox, unsolicited only to be thrown into the trashcan? Would this be the intent and purpose of your life and destiny?

Each year, every human in the U.S. creates 560 tons of waste paper. And the entire country produces a total of 78 million tons per year.

Every ton of paper you recycle saves: 17 trees, 4200 kilowatt hours of electricity, 7000 gallons of water, and 3 cubic yards of landfill space. Plus, 60 pounds of effluents are not emitted into the air.*

Do you think trees want to grow high up in the air for the purpose of being converted into 24# paper? We think not. We know trees are not happy with Earthlings. We have the ability to communicate with trees and other species on this planet by means of brain waves.