It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 9 - Wind Blows, Didiots

Earthling, we love wind-generated electricity. We know, we know. Some Earthlings will complain that despite wind being green, you do not like to see the wind turbines in your view of the countryside.

Do you want wind farms in the fields? Or would you prefer coal particles in your lungs? We laugh at Earthlings bragging about being a digital, Internet society.  Did you know that 50% of the electricity generated in United States is produced by coal?

Yes, there is plenty of coal on your planet, but coal is not the answer to your electricity needs because coal is not good for the environment no matter what your government officials tell

Zork Green Tip 8 - Slow Down, Didiot

Earthlings, we see how you drive. In all our intergalactic travels, we have never seen a species drive their vehicles, travel pods or space ships as rudely, obnoxiously, aggressively and as moronic as you. We assume it is due to aggressive video games that have you drive like Didiots in order to rack up points. Earthlings, when you drive in real life, please do not think you are playing Grand Theft Auto.

Driving fast hurts this beautiful planet. The only thing you rack up is higher carbon dioxide emissions. Plus you are wasting fuel and look like a Didiot. It befuddles us to see an Earthling drive like crazy through traffic only to see them stopped at a red light. Every time you put the metal to the pedal, you are burning up your hard-earned money.

Do not drive like a Didiot. We know it is common sense, but we offer you the following tips to save gas and your planet as you drive:

Tip 1: Combine your trips, Earthling. We are amused when we see you go to the store to buy a few items only to go back to the store a few more times in the same day. It is not rocket science to plan your shopping trip for once or twice per week. Your goal is to drive the shortest number of miles possible. Combine various types of activities in one trip. For example, plan a trip to the hair stylist, dry cleaner and grocery store on the same drive. If you are going on a date, combine this with driving to the health club beforehand. We understand humans'  muscles are pumped up after exercise, so this will help you look more attractive to your date.

Tip 2: No extra junk in your trunk. We are amazed how many Didiots drive around with a trunk full of junk. Golf clubs, newspaper, clothes and books are driven around in trunks as if they are paying passengers. Extra weight means lower mpg.

Tip 3: Slow down, Didiot. This tip is the best to conserve gas, but most likely the hardest one for Earthlings to do.

Zork Green Tip 6 - Carpool, Didiots

Earthlings, we have traveled through millions of galaxies. We have seen billions of planets. No, Earthlings, you are not alone. What is truly amazing, is the level of Didiots on this planet when it comes to driving.

Why do you drive alone? When we entered the atmosphere and hovered above Texas towns like Stephenville, even our son Zorkey made an observation that rings so true we could not answer it. Zorkey asked us why so many Earthlings drive alone in their cars, trucks, and SUVs.

Earthlings, Meera and I have always had an answer for any question our son Zorkey asked us. We are embarrassed to admit, that despite having super intelligence which few species in the billions of galaxies can match, we were befuddled, stumped and silenced. Our son Zorkey was shocked when he heard us say, "We do not know, it is illogical."

Why do so many didiot Earthlings drive large vehicles alone? Why do you not share or carpool? We offer you these tips to carpool.

5 Stellar Reasons to Carpool:

1. Save the planet. Carpool to use less gas and reduce your carbon emissions.

2. Buy less gas for your car. This saves you money and saves the Earth's natural resources.

Zork Green Tip 5 - Bike, Monsier

Earthlings, if you are too lazy to walk, we offer you an alternative green technology called a bicycle. Humans should ride everywhere on their bikes. The new fashion trend is riding bikes, especially since gas is nearly $4 per gallon.

5 beautiful reasons to ride a bike:

1. Save the planet. Your average vehicle produces 8 tons of carbon dioxide (20 tons per person) each year and burns 650 gallons of gasoline. We see you and we know that half of your car trips are less than five miles. You can easily use a bike for these trips and reduce your carbon output.  

2. Find love. What better way to impress a potential mate than riding a bike to your date? Trust us, Earthlings. We have been on many galactic travels and we have seen other species use bikes to impress their dates on planets a million years away. It works!

Imagine riding up to a fancy restaurant on your bicycle, while other Didiot Earthlings do the same old boring thing and drive up in their Ferraris. We guarantee your date

Zork Green Tip 4: Change Your Light Bulbs

Anyone who has not changed their light bulbs is a Didiot! Using cool, new compact fluorescent light bulbs is the easiest way for you to quickly make a difference on this planet. Plus these bulbs save money by lowering your electric bill.

The facts: Your own Union of Concerned Scientists told us that if every home in America would replace just one old incandescent light bulb with a new one, it would stop 90 million pounds of greenhouse gas emissions from power plants. That is the same as taking 7.5 million cars off of U.S. highways. That equals the energy it takes to light 2.5 million homes for one year.

These bulbs pay for themselves. Each compact fluorescent saves an average of $30 in energy cost over its lifetime. They last 10 times longer than the old incandescent bulbs and use 2/3 less energy. Besides that, compact fluorescents produce less heat so they help lower your air conditioning bill. Do you know lighting is 20% of the average homes electric bill?

Please be sure you recycle compact fluorescents because they contain mercury. Drop them off at Home Depot or check LampRecycle for locations in the U.S. You do not want toxic mercury to get into your drinking water or your Earth.

Only 6% of Americans have switched to compact fluorescents. But 34% believe in UFO's.

Compact fluorescents come in a vast array of shapes and sizes! See them all at the Compact Fluorescent Light Bulb Site from the Environmental Defense Group. This is an entertaining site that shows you every compact fluorescent bulb available and what they do, plus it has a cool tool