It's the Planet, Didiot!: Zork Green Tip 7

Earthlings, we are more intelligent than you. We do not see that planting corn and making ethanol from it is a logical form of alternative energy.

When corn is used for fuel instead of food, the price of corn goes up for all Earthlings. If you do not believe us, please look around. Go to your grocery store or watch CNN. While flying around in our saucy saucer, we have seen food riots in Haiti, Yemen, Egypt and several African countries because of higher food prices. This will spread to other countries unless Earthlings change their course.

How can corn be green when it is yellow? We are confused. As we fly around in our saucy saucer we see ethanol plants being built across your planet's plains. You will soon learn that corn ethanol is not green-friendly when you account for the entire cycle of clearing land, growing crops, using petroleum products to fertilize it and harvest it, and then using traditional energy to make ethanol from corn. And

we have not even calculated the cost of transporting or the cost of clearing the land.

Earthling, corn is not the answer to your primitive energy need. Studies by your own human scientists also prove corn is not green, as many Earthlings believe. And we hear your super-duper intelligent investor Warren Buffett says corn ethanol is not the answer.

We do believe sugar-based ethanol is green friendly. Sugar ethanol was developed in the futbol crazed country of Brazil. Ethanol made from sugar is not perfect. The only thing perfect from Brazil is the way they play futebol. We think they play perfect and beautiful futbol.

What is not accounted for in the sugar ethanol production is the consequences of converting beautiful land such as the Amazon into sugar cane fields. In addition, sugar prices are going, up, up and away.

Earthling, it is illogical to take food off your table and put it into the gas tank of your large, gas-guzzling SUV. Please do not be a Didiot and purchase corn ethanol.

Do not believe your governments or Wall Street. Ethanol is more conducive as an additive in your gas tank than as the energy source. We cannot believe countries other than Brazil will be able to rely on ethanol. Brazil has two things that other countries do not: (1) sugar and (2) lots of FIFA Footballer of the Year Players. We found it pleasurable to watch futbol players from Brazil such as Kaka, Ronaldo, Ronaldinho and Robinho. From the way they play creative futebol, we find it shameful Earthlings cannot employ them to create and develop alternative technologies.

When you pump ethanol into your gas-guzzling tank, you are not being green.

1. You are taking food off the table of a child on the other side of the world. The grain used to create a tank of fuel for an SUV could feed one human for an entire year.
2. You are ruining the beautiful Amazon which stores over 25% of carbon dioxide for the entire planet. The same carbon that heats up your planet's atmosphere when it is released.

Earthlings, we are not trying to make you feel guilty. These are logical facts. "An explosion in demand for farm-grown fuels has raised global crop prices to record highs, which is spurring a dramatic expansion of Brazilian agriculture, which is invading the Amazon at an increasingly alarming rate." according to a TIME magazine article, "The Clean Energy Scam," by Michael Grunwald.

Politicians and corporations are showing off their "green-ness" by promoting ethanol rather than searching for alternative sources of energy and trying to stop global warming.

-Brazil is now the 4th largest producer of carbon emissions, due to deforestation.

-Indonesia is now the 3rd largest producer of carbon, due to the destruction of wilderness to grow palm oil trees for biodiesel.

-Malaysia has destroyed its wilderness so fast in order to grow palm oil that it is running out of uncultivated land.

-The U.S. demand for ethanol has started a world-wide chain reaction: American farmers are selling one fifth of their corn for ethanol, so soybean farmers are now growing corn, so Brazilian soybean farmers are now expanding their farms and using up cattle pastures, so Brazilian cattlemen are pushed into the Amazon.

Earthlings, this is one vicious, didiot-like circle. 20% of all carbon emissions come from deforestation. In 2007, the Brazilian rainforest lost area the size of Rhode Island to deforestation, and even more was lost to fire. The Amazon is in danger of becoming a savanna or a desert. Many Brazilian tribes have lost the land they have called home for centuries. The Kamayura in Brazil had virtually no contact with whites or greens until the 1960s. Their forest is falling down around them.

Earthlings, you must reduce deforestation now! Here's what you can do: