Earthlings, if you are too lazy to walk, we offer you an alternative green technology called a bicycle. Humans should ride everywhere on their bikes. The new fashion trend is riding bikes, especially since gas is nearly $4 per gallon.
5 beautiful reasons to ride a bike:
1. Save the planet. Your average vehicle produces 8 tons of carbon dioxide (20 tons per person) each year and burns 650 gallons of gasoline. We see you and we know that half of your car trips are less than five miles. You can easily use a bike for these trips and reduce your carbon output.
2. Find love. What better way to impress a potential mate than riding a bike to your date? Trust us, Earthlings. We have been on many galactic travels and we have seen other species use bikes to impress their dates on planets a million years away. It works!
Imagine riding up to a fancy restaurant on your bicycle, while other Didiot Earthlings do the same old boring thing and drive up in their Ferraris. We guarantee your date
will be impressed with your green consciousness and your mission to save the planet.
If one male Earthling drives up to a fancy restaurant in a
Ferrari, and another rides up on his bicycle, who do you think will get
more attention? It will not be the loser Earthling in the gas-guzzling,
non-green Ferrari. All the females will flock to the bicycle rider. We
guarantee it.
Look at your superhero bicyclist, Lance Armstrong. From what we saw in People
magazine, he used to date Cheryl Crow, a very creative and beautiful,
musically-talented Earthling. If bicycling worked for Lance Armstrong,
it could work for you. We do understand that Lance and Cheryl broke up
and we think it is mostly because Lance lost his senses, because he was
not riding his bicycle as much. We see he is now trying to
recapture his youth with twenty year olds. This is illogical to
us. The easiest way to recapture youth is to ride a bicycle.
3. Laugh and live. Biking is a fun thing to do with young Earthlings or your friends. Explore new places. Take a sack lunch.
4. Smell the flowers. Connect with nature. Biking can be an adventure to new places unreachable by motor vehicle. Bike through the park or woods. Feel the wind in your face and the sun on your back. Hear the birds sing. Stop and enjoy the beauty of a babbling brook. Smell the flowers.
5. Be healthy. Burn calories. Stay in shape. Ride at a medium speed for 30 minutes, and you lose about 234 calories. Riding a bicycle will keep you firm and healthy. This will help you get dates. Earthlings, you must think we are obsessed with love and we mention it too often. But we are only trying to get your attention with what we have found to be the key theme around this planet:
Earthlings, it is love that makes the Earth revolve, not money, power and fame.
We are not asking you to ride in the Tour de France, monsieur. Be a rider in your neighborhood. We do not ask you to
wear those silly-willy, too-tight biker shorts, although after
biking a few times you will be in good
enough physical shape to get away with them.
Ride a bicycle to save the planet. Be green like us, just do it Earthling.
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