It's the Planet, Didiot!: Zork's Green Tip 1 - Be Green and Still Have Fun

Earthling, we are here. It was not by design or intent. We were zipping through space, on our way to a wedding in a distant quadrant of the galaxy, when my lovely wife Meera decided to show our son Zorkey the planet Earth close up.

Close up it was! While hovering above Texas trying to spot a longhorn steer, we happened to be shot down by what your Earthlings call a "Bubba." We do not know how Bubba succeeded, but he did. Fortunately, we are able to land safely on the outskirts of Stephenville.

Bubba shot our energy fuselage. And so we are stranded on planet Earth until Meera and I figure out how to extract fuel from your Earthly elements. We were lucky enough to hide our saucy saucer and integrate ourselves into your Earthling culture.

A few things about us: Our species is one million years more advanced than you Humans. We have developed, over the millennium, the capability of communicating via brain waves. Our strength is 10 times higher than the average Earthling, and our legs and arms can elongate to different lengths. Earthlings, our brains are so advanced that we can create objects on top of our brains. This is similar to your virtual reality models.

We are amazed to see many Didiot humans treat their planet with disrespect. You are destroying your habitat like there is no tomorrow. We see how you treat you vegetation and animals species. Because of our superior intellect, we are able to communicate with your plant and animal species. Your plants and animals are Earthlings, too!

The entire Earth is disgusted with you,

Earthlings. Sequoia trees don't like you. Ants and bees want to puke at you. Cheetah and Lions want to have you for lunch. Even the dolphins have filed a complaint against you for the way you destroy the oceans and harm other mammals.

Nearly every species we have communicated with thinks Earthlings are Didiots. (House cats love to keep Earthlings as slaves to their every whim). We tried to explain to your other species that you are not Didiots. You are going through a natural selection process that will enable you be smart like us one day. We estimate you will be able to accomplish this in 1,245,789 years.

We are here to help the Earthling race. We realize some humans are more evolved than others. Al Gore, the earthling who invented the Internet and brought global warming to your attention, is a more highly-evolved human.

We offer green tips which will enable you to be green like us. Your species is not advanced enough to relocate your dwellings to another planet or solar system. Star Trek, Star Wars, and Battlestar Galactica are human fantasies which will not happen for another 634,756 years based on the computations we have conducted on our nano computers.

Earthling, alter your ways within twenty years, or you will reach a tipping point and end up like Easter Island. Easter Island is not where the Easter bunny lives. It is an island whose inhabitants disappeared because they did not respect, cherish and value their natural resources. The humans overpopulated the rich island and cut down all of the trees in order to build enormous stone statues. No trees, means no homes for the animals and plants. The humans wood, which was home for the animals and plants and quickly ran out of food. From what we understand, humans ended up making lunch of each other.

Love makes the world go around not money. However, because Earthlings are so money motivated, we have already started helping you with recession tips that will save you money and be more green like us at ItstheRecessionStupid.com. If you want to save yourself from a financial fiasco, please visit our sister site.

Earthling, ItsthePlaneDidiot.com is a web site that will inform, entertain and educate you to be more green. If you are not interested in making a change, do it for your children and grandchildren. If you are not willing to make a change even for your human offspring, then we will find you and abduct you.

Earthling, we love every species in this galaxy and despite your barbaric ways, we love you as well. Please help us save your planet from Didiots who do not care.
You can make a difference.

One person can change the world. Look at your Earthling, Al Gore. He is making a difference. We hope and pray that everyone else will be like him. And if you do not like Al Gore, then be green like us.

Join us in saving your planet.

1. SUBSCRIBE to this site by email for important but fun updates. Simply enter your email into the box on the left.

2. Please join the ZORKPLANET.COM community to meet other Earthlings who care about your planet and want to make a difference.

3. Spread the word. We have prepared a list of important points for you to plant in your brain and have ready to discuss with other humans (there will be no pop quiz) :

*Earthlings have natural capital which took the Earth3.8 billion-year years to create... and we are running out. Humans are using coal and petroleum to create electricity faster than your Earth can make it. You are tossing out aluminum cans faster than the earth can create more aluminum. As the supplies get lower, you face rising prices and the possibility of using it all up! Earthlings, we are running out of time to find alternatives.

Animal and plant species are disappearing. We have read the report from your World Conservation Union-IUCN. Earthlings you might become like a dinosaur. The report says that animals and plants are becoming extinct faster than ever. And you are a mammal.

There are now 41,415 species on the IUCN Red List and 16,306 of them are threatened with extinction, up from 16,118 last year. Corals have been added to the red list for the first time.

●9,956 bird species are on the red list, with 1,217 listed as threatened
●25% of the 4,763 mammal species on the red list are threatened
●33% of all 25,000 fish species on the red list are threatened

People in Japan eat 10 million tons of seafood a year. If China, with 10 times as many Earthlings as Japan, ate seafood like the Japanese, it would consume 100 million tons of seafood – the entire world fish catch.

Temperatures are rising due to the greenhouse effect. High amounts of carbon dioxide and other gases are trapped in your planet's atmosphere heating up the air, melting your glaciers, and changing the weather patterns.

●The earth's temperature of 14.01 degrees Celsius in the 1970s rose to 14.26 degrees in the 1980s. During the 1990s it reached 14.40 degrees. And during the first five years of this new decade, it has averaged 14.59 degrees Celsius.**
●The Earth's five hottest years on record all occurred in the last seven years. 1998 was the warmest year on record, with an average global temperature of 14.71 degrees Celsius.**
●The rise in CO2 comes burning fossil fuels and deforestation
●Each year 6 billion tons of carbon are released into the atmosphere from fossil fuels
●Each year 1.5 billion tons of carbon are net released as a result of deforestation
●The planet's 532 million gasoline burning automobiles and thousands of coal burning plants are the main cause of climate change

The ice is melting. The Arctic Ice was 2 meters thick in 1960. In 2001, it averaged scarcely 1 meter. The older, thicker ice is nearly Your walrus and polar bear friends are losing their homes.

●Greenland's ice has thinned by more than 1 meter a year on its southern and eastern edges since 1993
●Glacier National Park has dropped the number of glaciers from 150 to 50 since 1850. Remaining glaciers could disappear completely in 30 years
●Kilimanjaro ice cap has shrunk by 33% from 1989 & could disappear by 2015
●Visit Discovery.com for the latest information

The sea level is rising. During the 20th century, the sea level rose by 10-20 centimeters, that is over half the amount it rose during the preceding 2,000 years.

●The sea level could rise another 1 meter during the 21st century
●As the sea level rises, salt water invades coastal fresh water waterways
●With each millimeter rise in sea level, your planet's shorelines retreat 1.5 meters
●If the sea level rises by 1 Meter, the coastline will retreat by 1,500 meters, or nearly a mile

A one-meter rise in sea level would cause Shanghai, most of lower Manhattan and the Capital Mall in DC to be underwater. The US would lose 36,000 square miles of land. Japan would lose 2,340 square kilometers.

Rivers drained dry. During the drought of 1997, the Yellow Rover did not connect with the sea for 226 days.

More powerful and destructive storms. Storms are increasing in number and size.

●Hurricane Andrew in 1992 destroyed 60,000 homes, inflicting $30B in losses in Florida
●Hurricane Georges in 1998 claimed 4,000 lives and inflicted $10B in losses in El Salvador and Nicaragua
●In 1999, Western Europe and United Kingdom was hit by three storms that claimed 150 lives and $10.3 Billion of damage
●2005 was the first year recorded with three Category 5 hurricanes. Hurricane Wilma was the most intense Atlantic storm; Rita was the most intense in the Gulf of Mexico; and Katrina was the most damaging, leading to the deaths of over 1,800 people.

The thin brown line. The Earth's topsoil is essential for the survival of all life. It is no more than three feet thick over most of the planet. However, 36 % of the Earth's cropland is losing topsoil 10 times faster than it can be replaced. The Earth cannot keep up with the amount of people, so farming is eroding the topsoil and the food supply may soon be in danger.

Reservoirs are running dry. The people of fast-growing China and India, and the United States are drinking and using fresh water faster than it can be replaced.

●The water table under Beijing has fallen by 1.5 meters (5 feet). Since 1965, the shallow water table below the city has dropped by over 59 meters or nearly 200 feet.
●Under India’s Punjab, where the double cropping of high yielding winter wheat and summer rice produces grain surplus for other states, water tables are falling by 0.6 meters per year
●Humans over-pump 160 billion cubic meters or nearly 160 billion tons of water a year
●It takes 1,000 tons of water to produce 1 ton of grain, this 160 billion-ton deficit is equal to 160 million tons of grain – or half of the US rice harvest

Drinking water is running out About 70% of the water consumed is used for irrigation, 20% is used by industry and 10% for residential purposes.

●Future wars in the North Africa region will be fought over water -- not oil
●Fastest growing water deficit is in China that will likely affect the world

Earthling, we are at the tipping point. Trends of environmental degradation reinforce each other, accelerating the process. At the tipping point things escalate and cannot be reversed.

●Higher temperatures melt the ice, causing the heat reflecting ice and snow to recede in the arctic. Now the newly uncovered, dark earth absorbs the sun's rays and the temperature rises, causing the ice caps to melt faster. It is a vicious cycle.
●Rising atmospheric carbon dioxide levels accelerate the process of global warming by trapping the heat in the atmosphere, causing global warming which causes more ice to melt
●Higher temperatures cause the drying of land forest and more burning, more carbon is emitted into the atmosphere and these two forces begin to reinforce each other

Earthling, nature has no reset button.

We do not intend to depress or scare you. We are not a bunch of tree huggers. We are a highly-intelligent, super smart alien species which has seen this kind of destruction across the galaxy. Please do not be another casualty in the intergalactic planetary graveyard.

We are trying to wake you up to smell Starbucks coffee and realize that you do not have much time. Please make an effort to come back here and learn about green tips that can make a difference in your life and the life of your planet.

Earthlings, you only have one Earth to live on. Don't be a DIDIOT andJoin us at ZorkPlanet.com and become sociable with other green-minded Earthlings.