Zork's Green Tip 3 - Walk, Didiot

Earthling, we have come across revolutionary green technology on Planet Earth that is underutilized by humans every day. It is not wind, solar or biodiesel. This technology is human powered and it is called "walking."

Walking is one of the best things you can do for your planet and yourself. Walking reduces pollution, saves gas, and cuts back on carbon dioxide output.

Humans are lazy when it comes to walking. We have seen Earthlings fight over parking spots only to avoid twenty yards of healthy walking. This is not logical to us. Why is it such a big deal to walk? Flying around the planet in our saucy saucer, we see some countries using walking as the primary means of transportation.

Some countries use more energy than they should. American Earthlings represent 3% of the population but use 25% of the energy. American Earthlings spend too much time driving, and

it shows on their waistlines.

Walking is back in vogue, even in America, due to high gas prices. Being stuck here on planet Earth, we have come up with a stellar idea to make money. We got this idea watching Richard Simmons. Our money-making secret is to sell videos on walking. We see there hasn't been much done in Unites States and some other countries. We will teach people to walk again.

For now we offer free walking advice. Despite some Earthlings being Didiots, we think humans are cute. We want your species to advance and be like us in a million years. Here are our free, revolutionary walking tips:

Step 1: Put your right foot forward.
Step 2: Follow with your left foot.
Step 3: Put your right foot forward again.
Step 4: Repeat the process over and over.

That's it. It is that simple, Earthling.

Top 5 places to walk instead of drive:

1. Walk to the grocery store when you are buying a bag or two.
2. Walk to your meet your date at the restaurant. This will help you get hungry before the date. Walking to your date will give you a good excuse to go home with your date.
3. Walk to school or work. This will make your have smaller waistline which seems to attract humans to date.
4. Walk for love. Ask your mate to walk with your for fun. While walking, you might engage in stimulating conversations and get to know each other better.
5. Walk for money. Become a walker, Earthling. If you lose enough weight, you could write a blog about it and become a gazillionaire, thanks to Google Adsense adversing platform in approximately 376 years.

Walking is the best way to reduce your carbon output to help save the Earth and become green like us.

Comments

[Ailurophile]

Walking is indeed the way to go! Thanks for maintaining this eco-friendly blog, and your many educative articles!