Earthlings, have fun and be green at the same time. Make all of your dates green dates. We do understand that variety and spontaneity is important in Earthling relationships, but must you go out, drive your gas guzzling cars and eat out all the time? There are many fun options for dates which do not damage the planet. Please do not be a love Didiot!
We want you to be green like us, please read our Top 10 Green Date Tips:
Green Date Tip 1: Local Food at Home. Make a date at your dwelling. Do not go to a noisy, cold restaurant where you have to stand around by the entrance until they have a table for you. Make dinner in your cozy crib. This will save gas and lower your carbon emissions.
If this is your first date, you can simply say, "I am green and would love to make you a nice dinner at my own dwelling, so we can reduce our carbon footprint." Make your meal from locally-grown or produced food.
Green Date Tip 2: Use Your Feet. Ride your bicycle to your date's dwelling or walk. Or ride bikes or walk with your date. Besides being green, this will enable you to have some physical exercise and warm you up for the possible exercise in which both of you may participate in later.
Green Date Tip 3: Dare to Unplugged. Earthlings, we do not mean for you to have an MTV-style, unplugged concert. Create an electricity-free, natural date. Use candlelight, roast marshmallows at your fireplace, grille on your patio or eat raw. Enjoy the music of the birds and crickets; and lots of deep, meaningful conversation. This date will win anyone with a heart. If you really want to score high with your date, perhaps you could try to go unplugged and play an instrument for her with crickets in the background.
Green Date Tip 4: Local Wine. From what we understand, wine is used by Earthlings as an ingredient to lower the human's inhibition and exponentially increase propensity to have fun. If you do plan to use wine as the breaker, please try to use local wines to be wine green friendly. If you are using beer, (and we do not recommend using beer on the first date) please buy locally brewed beers.
Green Date Tip 5: Brew Your Own Beer. What better way to have your date get warmed up to some potential future, late night activities than asking her to make beer with you. Earthlings, we find your alcoholic beverage, beer quite a fascinating taste for our buds. You can also draw together, while the beer is brewing, to create your own beer label. While you are at it, you could use this as an excuse to do some body painting -- all in the name of your beer.
We do not understand why, but we see beer has a tremendous bonding effect between Earthlings. We also suspect that Bubba from Stephenville shot at us because he might have had a few "Bud" beers in his stomach disposal before his encounter with us.
When you are done with beer brewing, body painting and drawing labels, put your signature mark on the beer label with your own name or part of your body, designed cleverly on recycled paper. What Earthling date would not be impressed? Find some useful instructions for making your own beer in 7 simple steps at Maholo.com.
Green Date Tip 6: Sew Your Wild Oats (literally): What better way to be green than doing green work. You and your date can have a fun afternoon date of planting or working on a garden. You date will be impressed with your greenness, your sensitivity to nature and your vast knowledge of horticulture.
This is also a great way to get help on your garden or lawn without paying outrageous fees to the lawn service company. Male Earthlings, what a delicious way for you to pick up other Earthlings. Do you think a girl Earthling would rather hear, "Hey Baby, what is your phone number so that I can come over?" or "Hi, would you like to be green like me and have a garden date?" The second line will get you more dates. Trust us, we know. Our brains are one million years further evolved than yours.
Green Date Tip 7: Be the American Idol. Why watch American Idol when you can BE American Idol? Host an American Idol type of a date at your dwelling for your pleasurable mate. Play and sing on your acoustic guitar. Please do not use Guitar Hero since this is not as green as an acoustic guitar. An acoustic guitar is hand powered, while Guitar Hero requires electricity to run the electronic, archaic gizmos you Earthlings use for entertainment. If you need a guitar, get a used one to be green. If you are both musical, sing together.
Warning to your human health and ears: Do not attempt this date if you have no talent. Your date will not be impressed, but will be repelled unless you are very funny.
Green Date Tip 8: Build a Self-Sustaining Oxygen Factory. Plant a tree. Make it a special event in a special place. This can bring you close to a new date, or be the perfect thing to mark an anniversary. Your date will always think of you as they pass by that tree. Trees live a long time so be careful with this one.
If you really want to score big on this date, then name the tree after your date. Unfortunately, if you break up with your Earthling, you might have the tree as a constant reminder of your failed Earthling relationship. We do not think it is the tree's fault so what we ask you in that case is to remember all the good memories and forget the bad ones.
Green Date Tip 9: Take a green ride by taking a train to your downtown. You can visit the arboretum, Japanese garden or Museum of Natural History and get in touch with nature. Tell your date that animals and plants are Earthlings too, so you must protect them.
We have found your trains to include many unusual humans that act in very weird and unusual ways. Some of them also dress funny but others unfortunately smell funny. What better way to entertain yourself for free than watching other Earthlings on trains.
Green Date Tip 10: Play in the Park or meadow. Perhaps you can find an outdoor acoustic festival during daylight hours. Bring your dog along. Remember, dogs are Earthlings too and are often good judges of character. If your dog likes your date, that is good.
While you are in the park, do not forget to sniff the flowers but do not sniff other dog's rear behinds. From what we understand, sniffing private parts is something animals do and not humans. On the other hand, we know that Animals are Earthlings too, so why humans can't smell other humans rears like dogs do is not logical to us.
Earthlings, be green like us. Only make green dates, and only accept
green dates. The planet Earth is in
your human hands. Do not date
Didiot humans because they are not good for your beautiful planet. What are your eco-friendly date ideas?
Coming soon: Green Lines to help you get a date.
Zork, I love your green tips. I think I will take your advice and play in a green meadow. Wearing my harness and leash, of course.
Posted by: Daisy the Curly Cat | May 16, 2008 at 04:00 PM
LOL! This is the most unique way to convince people to go Green that I have ever seen. I shall have to suggest an Unplugged date to my hubby, explaining to him that we do not wish to be Didiots!
Posted by: Gargantua | May 20, 2008 at 08:52 AM