It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 10 - Top 10 Eco-Friendly Date Tips

Earthlings, have fun and be green at the same time. Make all of your dates green dates. We do understand that variety and spontaneity is important in Earthling relationships, but must you go out, drive your gas guzzling cars and eat out all the time? There are many fun options for dates which do not damage the planet. Please do not be a love Didiot!

We want you to be green like us, please read our Top 10 Green Date Tips:

Green Date Tip 1: Local Food at Home. Make a date at your dwelling. Do not go to a noisy, cold restaurant where you have to stand around by the entrance until they have a table for you. Make dinner in your cozy crib. This will save gas and lower your carbon emissions.

If this is your first date, you can simply say, "I am green and would love to make you a nice dinner at my own dwelling, so we can reduce our carbon footprint." Make your meal from locally-grown or produced food.

Green Date Tip 2: Use Your Feet. Ride your bicycle to your date's dwelling or walk. Or ride bikes or walk with your date. Besides being green, this will enable you to have some physical exercise and warm you up for the possible exercise in which both of you may participate in later.

Green Date Tip 3: Dare to Unplugged. Earthlings, we do not mean for you to have an MTV-style, unplugged concert. Create an electricity-free, natural date. Use candlelight, roast marshmallows at your fireplace, grille on your patio or eat raw. Enjoy the music of the birds and crickets; and  lots of deep, meaningful conversation. This date will win anyone with a heart. If you really want to score high with your date, perhaps you could try to go unplugged and play an instrument for her with crickets in the background.

Zork Green Tip 21 - Save the Animals

Earthling, we are fond of your other creatures on this planet. We assure you that you are not the only important species on this planet.

We are one million years more advanced than you and our brains can communicate on multiple frequencies. We are able to speak in trillions of languages across the galaxy, in the archaic delivery method of using vocal chords as humans do.

Our preference is to communicate through our brain wave frequencies whenever possible. We can download 1 petabyte in less than one nanosecond between each other, and to our nanocomputers. We are also able to communicate with all species on this beautiful planet through brain wave intergalactic frequencies.

What we have learned may be shocking to you. Here is the honest alien truth, Zork's honor: Animals are Earthlings too (and so are plants).

Some Earthling Didiots have no regard for the animal kingdom. We do not understand why humans cannot live in harmony with other animal species. This is their planet too.

Zork Green Tip 38: Rhinos are Angry at Humans

Earthlings, your rhinos are endangered and they are mad about it. The reason they are killed is the craziest reason we have seen in the vast universe. Talk about Didiot-like behavior.

First, a few rhino facts.

Rhinos are not all alike. You have five species of rhinos on Earth. In Africa you have the black and white rhinos. In India you have the Indian, Javan and Sumatran Rhinos. The Indian and Javan have one horn, the others have two.

These spectacular creatures are the second largest land mammal on your planet (the elephant is larger). These sweet guys are herbivores so they only eat plants. These creatures live alone. They only use their horns to defend themselves against lions, tiger and hyenas.