Earthlings, stay away from Wall Street this year. Forget about putting your savings into banks which are being bailed out and bought out by your governments across the planet. We have figured out how any human can save money and make the right investment this year.
Yes, you can. Yes, we can. You can make money this year. This is not some Madoff get-rich-scheme. We are not sneaky, slimy, shenanigan, shyster meister financial wizards from Wall Street. We do not even have an MBA. However, if you have already read some of our blogs, you know we have vastly superior intelligence to your species. Please do not hold that against us. We are simply trying to help.
Human, after seeing Earthlings suffer in 2008 due to all the shenaniganisms, we actually want to say “Watts up!” Help us to help you save you from Didiot Earthlings.
Earthling, the easiest way to make and save money this year is to invest into CFC light bulbs.
Do not be skeptical. This is not a scam like the financial bubbles of yesterday: Tulipmania in 1630s, South Seas Bubble in 1710s, or the Internet Bubble in 2000’s.
Humans have a tendency to act like sheep. They make investment decisions just because another Earthling is doing it. Would you jump off the bridge if you saw me do it? (Our bodies are 1,000 times stronger than yours so if we really jumped off, nothing would happen to us.)
Sheep mentality is the reason why Earthling Sheister Meister Madoff was able to scam humans to the tune of $50 Billion. We cannot fully grasp how a human can scam so many smart people for so much money.
Even Earthling Sir Isaac Newton was scammed. And he was one of the smartest humans to live on your planet. Newton lost the modern-day equivalent of about $1 million in The British South Sea Company, which was formed in 1711 and promised a monopoly on trade to the Spanish colonies. It lured investors like Newton with the promise of riches from abroad. Prices of shares spiked and then collapsed in 1720. (Please do not tell us you do not know who Sir Isaac Newton is or we will throw apples at you.)
Tulipmania. Earthling, did you know that in the 1630s, tulip-bulb speculation raged in the Netherlands? Yes, people went crazy over these flowers. Prices of some rare bulbs doubled weekly, and even daily. Tulip bulb prices rose so high that people were investing in shares of one bulb, rather than an entire bulb. One tulip was worth more than a home! The market crashed in February 1637.
We do want you to invest into a bulb. Not a tulip bulb but a CFC Light bulb. We guarantee you will make more money investing in CFC Light bulbs than putting your money into a savings account at your local bank.
It is
simple sixth grade math. Thanks to the Earth's recession, if you put your dollars into a bank, you will earn a measly 2.5%
interest. If you put your money into $3 CFC light
bulbs, which last eight times longer than regular light bulbs, the
payback period is only a few months. And every CFC light bulb you
utilize saves approximately $30 in energy costs over its lifetime.
Which is better human? We ask
you? Can you do the math?
Buying CFC light bulbs creates green jobs in today’s jobless economy. As of this writing, in America, the unemployment rate jumped to a 16-year-high of 7.2 percent, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported on January 9th. The growing army of unemployed humans, at 11.1 million, is nearly 50 percent bigger than at the start of the recession a year ago.
CFC light bulbs are a good investment. More humans purchasing CFC light bulbs increases demand and creates new jobs for other humans. And buying and using CFC light bulbs will make you green like us as you help the GDP increase in a positive direction.
We really have no excuses not to use only CFC light bulbs. Don't be didiots!
Posted by: Kirsten | January 24, 2009 at 02:38 PM