Zork Green Tip 22 - Zork Designer Masks

Earthlings, we thoroughly enjoyed Euro 2008. We were not the only species to experience the thrill of Planet Earth’s greatest game – futebol. We found out that the average viewing for the futebol (soccer) matches was 135 million Earthlings per game for the 31 matches. This is a total of 4.185 billion viewers for the tournament. We congratulate the Spaniards for their win.

Meera and I have been busy writing green tips to save Planet from Didiot Earthlings. It has come to our attention that another great sports event is coming up soon: The Olympics in Beijing, China.

We plan to fly in our saucy saucer to visit Beijing during the Olympics but we are befuddled about all the pollution in Beijing.  From the reports we have read, pollution is becoming a huge embarrassment for the organizers.

Human, we still do not understand why Earthlings gather together to compete in sports but we absolutely love it. On our planet, they do not have physical competitions like this but we do have something we would translate as “Brain Olympics” every one hundred years.

How are Chinese Earthlings going to solve the pollution problem in time for the Beijing Olympics despite shutting down factories and reducing the amount of cars on the road?

We were shocked to find that Beijing's smog is 40 times worse than in Los Angeles. We were concerned to find out that 16 out of the 20 most polluted cities on the Earth are in China. The Chinese culture is a great culture and one thing we learned is that it is very important to “save face” in this culture of 1.3 billion humans. Sure, we like to save our face too because how can you do anything without having a face? We do not fully understand your cultural nuances yet.

China's government thinks vehicle restrictions and industrial shutdowns will cut pollutants by as much as 40%. Even our pet Dinky has figured out that 40 - (.40 X 40) =   26 times worse than Los Angeles smog. We are simple, friendly, one million years more advanced, green aliens but we just do not understand human logic.

China is a perfect example of where your beautiful planet is heading. China produces a third of the world’s garbage, only 10% of it is recycled and an estimated 7 billion tons of trash remain untreated in landfills. More than 70% of China’s rivers are contaminated and 500 million Chinese lack access to potable water. China is adding 25,000 new cars per day. Imagine what is going to happen to your planet when China has the same living standard as the United States.

What happens to the pollution and the wonderful Chinese people after the Olympics are over? Will the smog be worse again? We think so.

Pollution has no boundaries. Earthlings, whether you are Chinese, American, German, Spanish, Brazilian, Russian, Indian, African or any other human, the problem in China is your problem too. There are no fences that keep the smog in Los Angeles or Beijing within the constrained area. Some of this pollution will come your way sooner or later.

Your beautiful planet is becoming a health hazard for your lungs because Didiot Earthlings who do not care for the future of their children. What good is industrial progress if you cannot go to a park to spend a day with your family? What good is it to run outside breathing smog?

The Beijing Olympics is a great opportunity to showcase the problem pollution has become and will continue to be for your future. Saving face is less important than saving China, Saving the Planet and Saving the Human race.

Earthling, there was a movie made over 40 years ago called The Graduate, with Dustin Hoffman as the lead actor, that Meera and I watched last week. This film had a great line: “The future is in plastics.” We will borrow and modify from the film and say that the future is “Zork’s Designer Gas Masks.”

Based on the current rate of industrial progress, we see our designer masks becoming a trillion dollar business which will enable us to fix our intergalactic power booster and get to Meera’s cousin wedding just in time.

Dude, stay tuned for the fashionable line of gas masks. We hope to have them manufactured in time before Beijing Olympics.

Comments

[Anita]

Great masks! ;)

I can't even imagine 40x worse than L.A.!

[Jackie]

Hopefully it doesn't kill off any of our athletes. This time I shall not be jealous of others managing to get to the Olympics as I can sit safely in my lounge watching the events on TV without a gas mask.

[Louie]

"We were shocked to find that Beijing's smog is 40 times worse than in Los Angeles"

Even Batman is afraid to take a dip in the Hongkong Harbor because of the pollution. How much more in Beijing with millions of people more.

BTW. This is my first time on your blog. I must say that I really like your concept. Very original! I'll be back for sure. :)

[Linda]

LOL! Great masks! Do they come in other colors to match my wardrobe? I pray the athletes health is not affected by the pollution!