Zork Green Tip 24 - Be Kind to Trees, Use a Kindle Reader

Become paperless. Humans, your rudimentary device called a “personal computer” was supposed to turn your civilization into a paperless society. From what we see observing humans, this has not happened yet.

Earthling, we do not understand your Didiot-like and massive use of paper. We try not to insult a species that is a million years less advanced than us but we cannot for the stars of us figure you out.

Why, Earthling, why? Our highly-evolved brains have become non-emotional but I must admit that printing paper has arisen my emotional genes, which only happens every 3,888 years.

In 2006, American Earthlings imported and produced 100 million metric tons of paper. The total pages printed on printers and multi-function printers was approximately 1.5 trillion pages.

Humans, what could possibly be so important that you must print all this paper?

The only thing we can deduct and decipher from all these printing activities is that Earthlings print so much paper at work in order to cover their rear behinds. Job security does not mean printing paper for backup purposes. Just because you use toilet paper to clean your rear end does not mean you have to print paper to cover your rear behind at work as well.

We are horrified when we enter your book stores. You may see interesting books to read but all we can see is dead trees. Bookstores are cemeteries for trees. We know. We are able to talk to trees in different frequencies. The trees tell us that book stores are their worst nightmares.

Humans, there are simple solutions to all this printing mess.

First, use recyclable paper if possible.

Second, read the news on your computer instead of on paper. We do not understand why newspapers print newspapers anymore. Why, Earthling, why?

Third, get yourself a Kindle. This electronic reader was created by an Earthling company called Amazon. Kindle enables you to download books digitally and read them at your leisure, anytime and anyplace. You can have every book on your planet inside the space of one book. Think of how many trees you will save.

Why would a human carry “killed trees” in their hands when they can just carry a  Kindle and kindly let their eyes peruse hundred of thousands of books at their fingertips? We love trees. But please do not call us tree huggers.

Our hearts hurt for trees when we learned the following:

Tree Fact #1: Every year in the U.S., over 2 billion books are published, 359 million magazine are published and 24 billion newspapers are published.  Imagine if Earthlings used a Kindle instead.

Tree Fact #2: Each year 30 million trees are killed to print books. Imagine if Earthlings used a Kindle instead.

Tree Fact #3: It takes 75,000 trees to print a Sunday Edition of the New York Times. Imagine if Earthlings used a Kindle instead.

Tree Fact #4: Humans use an average of 48 kg of paper per year (333 kg or 700 lbs per year for Americans, but Asia is catching up fast. American attorneys use one ton per year).

Tree Fact #5: When paper rots or is composted it emits methane which is 21 times more toxic than CO2.

Tree Fact #6: 10,000 trees are cut down annually in China to make holiday cards.

Tree Fact #7: Every tree provides oxygen enough for 3 people to breathe.

Tree Fact #8: Paper manufacturing is the largest industrial use of water per pound of finished product.

Earthling, do not be a Didiot. Please stop killing trees. Trees make oxygen for you and reduce carbon dioxide. Why, Earthlings, why have you forgotten the trees?

P.S. Earthling, my apologies for being emotional. We, aliens, try to take emotion out of the equation but it so hard to do so when we know trees do not like to be made into printable paper just so some Didiot-like human can print his work to cover his rear behind.

Sources: 1. Purdue Research Foundation and US Environmental Protection Agency, 1996)
2. http://pubs.acs.org/subscribe/journals/esthag-w/2008/may/tech/ee_ebooks.html
3. North Carolina Office of Waste Reduction and Recycling
4. Source: Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, 1997
5. International Institute for Environment and Development (IIED)
6. Xinhua News Agency
7. North Carolina Office of Waste Reduction and Recycling
8. American Forest and Paper Association

Comments

[Anita]

Some of my favorite people are trees...

We always use recycled paper,when we absolutely need it, and every bit of paper that comes into our house leaves in a recycle bin!

[Juliette]

Giving up solid paper books should be the hardest thing for me to do. I love having big shelves of books all around me, they're so beautiful. I like being able to pick one randomly and re-read it. So here's to second hand books and recycled paper. The Kindle just won't do it for me ( except for newspapers of course!)

[Sheri Fresonke Harper]

I've wanted a reader for some time, this one sounds cool!