It's the Planet, Didiot!: The Zork Pledge

Join the Zork Revolution on Zork Planet: Intergalactic Lounge social network. We love Earthlings - that includes animals and plants. We want to help you save your planet from yourselves. Even though we are 1 million years more advanced, we cannot do it alone. Please help us to help you be GREEN like us.

The Zork Revolution is a green movement to find 1 million Earthlings who will make 10 simple, Didiot-proof changes that will make a positive impact on this beautiful planet. Each 1 of us has the intergalactic power to make a difference, so imagine what will happen if 1 MILLION Earthlings make the Zork Pledge!

THE ZORK PLEDGE

1. Replace 1 light bulb with a fluorescent bulb.
Earthlings, get your rear off your TV sofa and change one light bulb for Earth's sake. If 1 million humans replace one incandescent light bulb with a brand new one, that is like taking 83,333 cars off of your congested, polluted highways - the same energy it takes to light 27,777 homes for one year. What could be easier?

2. Ride a bike, walk or carpool once a week.
We have faith in your ability to propel your right leg, followed by your left leg. Walk instead of drive 3 miles a week to save 3 lbs of CO2 emissions or 156 pounds of CO2 per year. 1 million people walking 3 miles per week instead of driving will prevent 156 million pounds of CO2 from being expelled into your planet's atmosphere.

3. Drive 10 MPH slower.
Earthlings, do not let some pushy Bubba pressure you with his tailgating. Please do not find the need to speed. Every 10 miles per hour you drive over 60 is like charging yourself an extra 54 cents per gallon of gas. Every 10 mph faster lowers your fuel economy by 4 mpg, whether you are driving a Mini Cooper or a Hummer. And each gallon of gas you save stops 26 pounds of CO2 from being expelling into your atmosphere.

4. Unplug and turn off.
Only Didiots leave their cell phones, televisions, video games, iPods and all their stuff plugged in when not in use. When your cell phone is charged, unplug the charger. Your DVD player’s standby mode uses electricity. This is called Vampire Energy. We do not know who Vampires are but we have heard they like to scare Earthlings. Plug all your video or computer equipment into one big power strip and unplug the power strip when not in use to get rid of Vampires forever. You can cut your power usage by 10% by simply unplugging.

5. Use less water.
Earthlings, your drinkable water is running dry. Be H2O friendly. Turn water off when you shave or brush and save 10 gallons of water every day or 3,650 gallons a year. 1 million people turning off the tap while brushing their teeth will save 3,650,000,000 gallons of water per year!

6. Adjust your thermostat.
Earthlings, what a great reason to take your clothes off at home during summer and cuddle in the winter. Use less electricity and you burn less fossil fuel, and produce less CO2. The average U.S. home releases 24,978 pounds of CO2 per year. Adjust your thermostat up 2 degrees in summer and down 2 degrees in winter, to cut your CO2 emissions by 500 pounds a year.

7. Buy used stuff if possible.
We do not understand this human mentality to buy until you drop. Before you buy anything new, ask friends or relatives, check out garage sales or thrift shops, or buy used stuff on eBay. This helps a product live longer, and reduces the impact on the environment.

8. Plant a Tree.
Unless you are a complete Didiot, you know trees and plants absorb carbon dioxide and give off oxygen. Do not be a tree killer or you may end up on CSI. Humans are cutting down trees so fast the trees cannot keep up with all the CO2 Earthlings produce with driving, manufacturing and other human activities. A single tree absorbs approximately one ton of CO2 during its lifetime. A million trees can absorb a million tons of CO2.

9. Recycle.
Recycle half of your trash to save 2,400 pounds of CO2 a year. Even a Didiot can separate paper, plastic, newspaper, glass and aluminum cans. A million humans can save 2.4 Billion pounds of CO2 a year!

10. Get 10 humans to join the Zork Revolution.
Simply invite your friends, family, workers, teachers and politicians to join Zork Planet. We would be tickled green if you bring more than 10. They will ask 10 friends and they will ask ten friends until the Zork Revolution is 1 million strong and we will make a big positive impact on the planet.