It's the Planet, Didiot!

Zork Green Tip 14 - Turn Off the Lights

Earthlings, there is one thing you can do to help save planet Earth, be green like us and not lift more than your little finger. Even I have learned to do it, and I only have two fingers and one thumb.

Actually my three fingers can act either as fingers or as thumbs at any point in time. We do not understand why humans require four fingers plus a thumb, but that is beside the point.

The point is, Earthlings, if you want an easy way to be green then all you have to do is turn off your lights. It is not hard, humans. Every time you see lights on and if you are not using them, simply turn them off. If you will be out of a room for longer than 30 seconds, turn off the lights.

Why do Earthlings have night lights? We hear night lights are a must in case an Earthling awakes in the middle of the night and needs to go to the restroom. There is no need for this kind of energy draining, Didiot-like behavior. Humans, you may think one simple little night light cannot do any harm, but if you consider it in large numbers, it is a different story.

The story here is really that your little pinky can make a huge difference for the environment if you make your pinky a green pinky. We have heard Earthlings use the phrase "green thumb" for humans with the ability to grow vegetation.

Why not use the phrase "green pinky" to characterize humans who are ready, willing and able to use their little pinky to turn off unused lights?

Zork Green Tip 13 - Top 10 Green Date Tips (Part 2)

Due to incredible popular demand we bring you more "sustainable" dating tips for humans. Earthling, humans spend much time, effort and money on trying to find the right mate to mate. This incredible amount of energy can be controlled in an energy efficient way.

Why do humans use the word "sustainable"? We are befuddled. Of course  the environment has to be "sustainable" in order for you to survive, live and prosper. Please do not be a Didiot, simply use green and be green like us.

Green Tip 1: Fly a Kite. What cheaper, better and more green way to spend an entire afternoon with your Earthling honey than flying a kite? Kites are inexpensive. Perhaps you can design you own from recycled materials.

You can learn a lot about a human by how they handle a kite. If they get stressed about holding a kite, if they panic when the kite is going downwards, if they don't appreciate the beauty of the wind, you might be dating a Didiot. Be aware. Fly a kite and you might learn a thing or two about your potential mate.

Green Tip 2: Rock Skipping. There is no more beautiful way to spend the afternoon than skipping rocks across the surface of one of your Earth's beautiful water reservoirs or channels. This is a perfect opportunity for you to reflect with your date on each other's lives, childhood memories and futures. Enjoy the beauty of nature.

Zork Green Tip 11 - Recycling Instructions for Earthlings

Dear Earthlings, I hope you are already recycling. We are amazed how many humans think this planet is a garbage can. We see trash everywhere. If you are not recycling, we are here to teach you.

Recycling is not rocket science. You have to be able to get your lazy Earthling body up out of your bean bag chair and dispose or recycle the products accordingly.

Why Recycle? My stars, Earthling! If you have not figured out why you should recycle, please allow me to do it once and for all.
1. To Help Out. If you take the time to sort your stuff for recycling in the first place, it's more likely to be recycled. The good news is that you do not need a degree from Oxford to be able to recycle.  

2. Less Landfill. 75% of Americans' trash can be recycled. However only 25% is  recycled. This is completely illogical to us, humans. We do not understand why some DIDIOT humans do not recycle. We recommend for humans that are "overweight" to take up recycling as an exercise. Here's another recycling tip: Next time you are trying to meet a potential date, just tell them the following " I recycle for exercise. Would you like to join me?" Nine times out of 10, you will get the date. In fact, we are so sure of this line that you no longer need to watch Mystery on The Pickup Artist.

Zork Green Tip 11 - Recycling Instructions for Earthlings Part 2

Types of Recycling

Electronics. Your Earthling technology is primitive to us. But your technology is evolving so fast that these objects are obsolete every year. And you have things that break such as old telephones, television, radios, computers and cell phones.  They contain dangerous elements like lead and mercury, which could get into your own water supply. Only a Didiot would not dispose of them properly.

Composting. Earthlings, your body vessel is part of circle of life. When you die, your body is composted in your graveyards for worms and other microbiological creatures. Why not compost other materials like your body vessel? Managing organic material at your home not only decreases the amount of material you send to landfills; it can also helps turn your organic waste into a landscape asset.

Composting will reduce the amount of food waste in your garbage can, while creating nutrient-rich fertilizer for your garden.

Garage Garbage. Earthlings, we are befuddled. We do not understand why 99 out 100 garages are used like a garbage container for all kinds of unhealthy and hazardous products. Used motor oil can be recycled. So can paint. It turns out many of the items in your garage are recyclable. TAKE CHARGE HUMANS! Claim your garage back. Learn what to do with the mess and help the planet while you are at it.

Be green like me, RECYCLE!

Join the Zork Revolution to Help Save Planet Earth

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO SMART EARTHLINGS

May 6, 2008

Los Angeles, California

The Zork Revolution, created by Zork Brauk, an alien who was shot down at Stephenville, Texas, is a green movement to get 1 million people to promise to make 10 simple changes in their daily lives that will make a big difference on planet Earth.

After being on the planet for a very short time, Zork says, "I do not understand why some Earthlings destroy this beautiful planet. It is not logical."

Zork said he wants Earthlings to be green like him and his family, Meera (wife), Zorkey (son), and Drauk